I guess I knew I’d hit rock bottom when I got pregnant with Delilah. I was 20 weeks pregnant and couldn’t stay away from a drink for more than a few days. I wasn’t getting drunk, but I still shouldn’t have been drinking. I wanted to stop but I couldn’t.
That’s why I started going to AA. I did it for my baby. I gave myself up to God and His measures of me and worked my way through the 12-steps. I discovered a whole new person in that beginning. A whole new person to be for my daughter
I never wanted to choose alcohol over her again.
Those 12-steps saved my life and probably hers too. It kept me from making mistakes that could have hurt her before she had ever even taken a breath.
Meetings with Carol and Shauna really brought reality back to me. They took care of me, treated me like a human. A pregnant woman who can’t stop drinking is something people are disgusted by. They thought I was a week.
But at AA no one ever treated me like that. They helped me without judgment.
Had? I dunno, can you ever really say you “had” addiction issues? Recovery is a lifelong process, and I’m still traveling down that road.
Anyways, I had a life and a family and friends and a decent job. The job could be hard. A man could see things he never needed to see. I guess that’s my excuse, you know? The horrors of the job and all that.
I’d go to the bar with buddies after work and drink. That’s how it started. Then I’d stay late. Then I’d drink when I got home. Then I’d waste my paycheck. Then I would go to work hungover. When I got caught drinking on the job they fired me.
I couldn’t be a police officer, I couldn’t stop drinking, and my wife left me. I mean, can you blame her? AA helped me get back on my feet. When I decided I couldn’t keep sinking, they threw me a life raft. They said I had to swim back on my own, but that was okay.
I still go to weekly meetings 10 years later, and I still have friends I made in those first few weeks. I’m an addict in recovery, and there’s nothing shameful about that statement.